“I tried everything to fill the emptiness - but the harder I searched, the further it seemed.”
As a teenager, I often felt an emptiness I couldn’t explain. I’d look up into the night sky and wonder: Why am I here? What’s life really about?
I had a lot of drive and curiosity, so I went looking for answers. I explored eastern religions, philosophy, and anything that promised insight — Edgar Cayce, A Course in Miracles, the I Ching, hypnosis, UFOs… you name it, I got into it.
I lived a kind of hippie lifestyle — talking spirituality and philosophy with anyone who’d listen — but I was also into drugs, drinking, and chasing relationships. I’d fall “in love” instantly, and two weeks later it was over. Looking back, I realise I was trying to fill that emptiness with anything I could.
I was very anti-Christian.
My time in an Anglican boarding school had turned me off. I thought Christians were narrow-minded and out of touch. I’d argue with them in the street, then head off to the nightclub, proud of “winning the argument.”
But eventually, the emptiness grew worse. I left my job, broke off my engagement, and went looking for answers. I stayed with my mum in Taupo, fasting and searching for “truth.” I even stayed at a spiritual retreat surrounded by new-age thinkers and books. They were kind people, but I still didn’t find what I was looking for. I drifted back to Auckland, feeling like I’d hit rock bottom.
One night hitchhiking, a guy named Stu picked me up. We started talking about truth, and how you really needed to check things out before you believed them. I agreed — until he said, “So when someone told me about Jesus…” My walls went up. But I’d just said I was open-minded, so I listened.
To my surprise, what he shared was different from anything I’d heard before. He talked about miracles happening in his church and speaking in tongues — things I didn’t even know Christians believed in. Later, he came by my place, prayed for me, and left.
The very next week, while working at a burger caravan in downtown Auckland, another guy gave me a brochure for the same church.
I decided to check it out.
The church was full-on. I still argued against Christianity, but they kept asking me:
“Have you found what you’re looking for?”
And I couldn’t say yes.
They told me, “Keep seeking and you’ll find,” and shared this scripture:
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.”
- Matthew 7:7
I don’t know why, but I knew it was true. It gave me the courage to keep searching.
A few weeks later, I had a powerful encounter with God.
I was born again.
I felt lighter, freer — like all my burdens had rolled away.
Not long after, I was filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke in tongues. The emptiness was gone — completely gone.
Seventeen months after walking out on my old life, I had found God… or more accurately, He had found me. That was in 1982. Forty-three years later, through all the ups and downs, I’ve never felt that emptiness again, and I’ve never doubted that Jesus is real.
Your story will be different from mine. But if you’re searching — if you know something’s missing — be willing to re-examine what you believe. Look into Jesus for yourself.
I’d love to talk with you — in person in Wellington, or by phone.
Meet our brother in Christ - Tony Pitiroi the Vision Carrier of Task Millions NZ. The man with many a passionate evangelist, real estate agent, and prayer warrior with a heart fully surrendered to the mission of seeing Aotearoa transformed by the Gospel. Known for his generous spirit, Tony opens his heart, home, and every resource God has placed in his hands — including his beloved Maserati — to serve others and advance the Kingdom of God.
A father, encourager, and man of bold action, Tony is someone who doesn’t just dream but moves — quickly and faithfully — on the leading of the Holy Spirit. His love for Jesus is unmistakable and contagious, inspiring those around him to take their own next steps in faith, obedience, and bold evangelism.
